Love Yourself for Who You Are: A Sibling's Perspective on Stuttering

Hello, my name is Eva Bares. I’m 17 years old and the younger sibling of someone who stutters. Growing up and observing the challenges my older brother faced in school, with talking to friends, and in social settings, gave me a new perspective on how many ways stuttering could affect a person’s day-to-day life. If you’re someone who can just say what they want to say easily, you never know what a stutterer is going through. It’s a totally different experience. Raising awareness about stuttering truly matters because, still, people misunderstand what it means to stutter, how hard it can be, and how important it is to remain respectful and patient. 

I’ve learned so many things as a sibling. I learned how important being patient with my brother really was. Finishing his sentences wouldn’t help because he already knew what he wanted to say; it would just take a couple more seconds longer. I began to notice how interrupting him wouldn’t make him feel good either, because when someone tries to talk and struggles due to stuttering, it comes off as rude. Something I always kept in mind was simply having empathy. Empathy for how it must feel to talk and have a hard time saying what it is, how it feels when you're already anxious and nervous with socializing, and all of the little things in between

The beauty of it all has been seeing how much my brother has changed and grown. He always made an effort to help himself, had the courage to try and block out what others would think, and didn’t let stuttering define who he was as a person.

Some of the challenges I remember were the times when kids would make fun of him for the way he spoke or ask, “Why do you talk like that?” He couldn’t control his stutter, and all he wanted was to be seen and treated like everybody else. People acted as if stuttering was his identity, when really it was just a difficult experience he would have to work through. Even to this day, he experiences people looking at him and making remarks as soon as he says something or tries to introduce himself. As you could imagine, having these experiences made him more self-conscious, and he developed more and more anxiety over time. When he was about to be spoken to, it’d already be hard for him because of how focused he was on speaking a certain way, which genuinely just made it harder instead. 

The best advice I could give to siblings would be to always remain encouraging. I mentioned this earlier, but honestly, being patient and respectfully listening without interrupting or finishing their sentences when they try to speak, really is helpful. All they need is the extra support from you, their sibling, instead of feeling pressured. Remind them that having stuttering moments while talking is completely okay and that continuously persevering will always benefit them more than giving up. The last tip I could give is to be reassuring. Your sibling will have moments where they may feel embarrassed or say “I’m so mad I struggled to talk just now,” and it’s important to remind them that scenarios like these will happen, but that it's okay!! It’s okay for them not to get every single word perfect. We are human; there is no reason for them to overthink how people may perceive them. Just because they stutter, it doesn’t mean their effort doesn’t count.

Overall, I always thought stuttering would get easier for my older brother until I realized it was going to be a continuous challenge. There is nothing more important than loving yourself for who you are regardless of what obstacle you may face such as stuttering. Stuttering shouldn’t be looked at like something you can’t get rid of, but as something that shouldn’t have control over you or make you give up. It’s a frustrating, nerve-racking, and difficult experience to have, but there are ways to live successfully with it. 

There’s no one stronger than someone who continues to learn and grow through what they experience. For those that don’t stutter, remember how much of an impact you can make by the support you could provide, the advice you could give, and overall being who they need you to be. 

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